By Nigel Boys
The recent divorce of Chris Rock from his wife Malaak was shocking and hurtful to those who’ve followed Rock’s career. The marriage was seen as a beacon of hope in an otherwise dismal experience with black marriages, especially those that involve celebrities. But if you look at the science of relationships, you might see that Rock’s breakup actually wasn’t all that surprising in the first place.
According to Gary Neuman, New York Times bestselling author of “Connect to Love: The Keys to Transforming Your Relationship,” even though celebrities might seem to have it all, a beautiful spouse and adorable children, they are still highly susceptible to divorce.
The family counselor and relationship expert continues in his book that although Tom Cruise might have seemed to have had everything, wealth, health, a beautiful marriage to Katie Holmes, he was recently served divorce papers. He adds that it’s only been a short while since Cruise appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show declaring his undying love for his wife and child. But fame and fortune have led to his being served divorce papers while on a film shoot in Iceland.
Although fame and copious amounts of money might be what a lot of people would dream of having, it can place an unbearable strain on relationships, according to Neuman. He adds that in his in-depth research of over five hundred women, he found that some spouses are so busy with their careers, they forget to pay attention to the needs of their partner.
Neuman writes that women who said they were happily married to their husbands spent at least 30 minutes per day just talking with their husbands without interruption. He adds that those who said they were in an unhappy relationship tend to state that they spend less than 30 minutes daily with their spouse and 24% said their time together was less than 5 minutes.
While most fathers would never dream of making their child wait to talk to them about their school until they have finished their latest project in a month or two, some celebrities believe that their spouse will find this reasonable, according to Neuman. He adds that some celebrities believe that their spouse understands their need to devote all their attention to their latest project.
Another reason celebrities break up, according to Neuman, is because they believe that they can replace the “couple culture,” where this means actually spending time working with your spouse on your relationship, with material possessions. He adds that a successful couple will devote time to one another, working out what it means to be married.
Celebrities should learn that their spouse doesn’t always need to hear about their problems with their latest project as much as they desire to talk about what they both want out of life, writes Neuman. In other words, they need to listen to the needs of their partner, instead of living their own goals and dreams.